tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-324229902011-10-17T07:52:59.483-07:00WHERE THE LEGEND BEGAN: THE ORIGINAL POSTS FROM SUMMER 2006. UNCUT & UNCENSORED.Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.comBlogger991100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-88078388898416930522007-10-28T20:31:00.001-07:002007-10-28T20:31:38.138-07:00

Star in Your Own JibJab! It's Free!Someone made this and sent me a link. Much love, Mariano. I think.

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-79967648886939694782007-03-26T19:17:00.000-07:002007-03-26T19:18:35.071-07:00

(ORIGINALLY POSTED IN SUMMER 2006)So Al Gore calls me cause he's heard about the meeting with the Clintstones and he says he knows all the crap that Hillary was saying about him. And he just sighs and goes, in this really sad voice, Well, Steve, it's been great being on your board, I mean it, and I really thank you for giving me the opportunity, and for the free Powerbooks and everything,

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-58486217438648573152007-02-04T18:22:00.000-08:002008-12-11T10:31:19.013-08:00

Do you realize John Doerr now has a company called "My Asshole"???? Seriously. Check it out here. And like, okay, I see the accent mark, but whatever, I just hope it's not a category name next time Sean Connery is on Celebrity Jeopardy. And come on. Do you mean to tell me of all the possible names in the world, they couldn't come up with something that every teenage boy in the world wouldn't

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-91789027736217836262007-02-04T18:20:00.000-08:002008-12-11T10:31:19.161-08:00

True story. One night Bono and I are driving up the 280 at like two in the morning in a rainstorm and this guy in a giant Lexus kind of swerves as he's changing lanes, and almost hits us. Bono has got like this total Irish temper and plus he's had a few and he's like, Fook this, mate, I'm gonna stick this fooking Aston Martin up this fooker's arse! So he floors it and in like a nanosecond we're

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155329089167971012006-08-11T13:43:00.000-07:002006-11-12T17:00:01.644-08:00

Here's a shot of me trying out this awesome new upside-down back-stretcher thing that I just bought and man it is soooo sparking my creativity. I'm in it for eight to ten hours a day, and go home feeling completely refreshed. Jonathan Ive has been doing all his work in one of these for years -- maybe that's why he can "think different," eh? -- and he has been bugging me for like forever to try

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155326351876157492006-08-11T12:58:00.000-07:002006-11-12T17:00:01.397-08:00

Folks, this may be my last post before I go into seclusion and start my 24 hour fast leading up to the keynote. But before I go, I want to assure you, there is nothing to worry about. Okay? The one thing I don't want is to have this crazy options thing hanging over the entire WWDC. So I've devised a little program to help us all clear our minds. Here's how it works. Get out your photograph of me,

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155326291482327432006-08-11T12:57:00.000-07:002006-11-12T17:00:01.065-08:00

And he goes, You know who I am. You know what I do. I'm the best there is, and I charge a fortune. But you get what you pay for. Don't worry. You'll call me. They always do.

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155326218901947782006-08-11T12:56:00.000-07:002006-11-12T17:00:00.806-08:00

And he’s like, Uh, hey, Steve, uh, ya know what, turns out they’re gonna hold that story, I guess it’s for space reasons, they ran out of pages or, uh, something like that, so it won’t be running on the next cover like I said, but, uh, I’m hoping maybe it’ll get used in another edition or something, maybe we can cut it down a bit and run it as a brief or something, which is too bad cause I loved

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155326177629761362006-08-11T12:55:00.001-07:002006-11-12T17:00:00.533-08:00

And he goes, Buddy, I just went out to my car and just as I got there two guys scrambled out from underneath it and took off running. You wouldn’t happen to know what that’s all about, would you? No? Yeah, I didn’t think so. Well I’m sending one of your interns down to start it up for me and drive it around to the front of the building, just wanted to let you know.

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155326127968775122006-08-11T12:55:00.000-07:002006-11-12T17:00:00.206-08:00

And he goes, Steve, Steve, just want you to know, dude, that stuff I told you about maybe doing an infomercial with Nick Lachey? Or with Ozzie Osbourne? No worries on that, okay? Cause, uh, we’re just totally booked right now, and the product’s doing really great, and anyway, I appreciate that you love the product but if you want to take that mention down off your site that’s cool too, I

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155326091218146602006-08-11T12:54:00.000-07:002006-11-12T16:59:59.900-08:00

And he says, Ya know, I can't read so good what with having only one good eye, as you pointed out recently, and also we kinda get the papers a few days late down here in Buttfriggerville, but, ah, from what I can see, and again, granted I got only one good eye, looks to me mebbe thangs ain't looking so good for you these days, either, right? I mean, hell, we coulda put up good numbers too I guess

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155326061959713972006-08-11T12:53:00.000-07:002006-11-12T16:59:59.690-08:00

And goes, Hey, let's test your ESP abilities. I'm thinking of a number between seven hundred million and nine hundred million ... any guesses? Call me and let's do this the easy way.

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155326029256038932006-08-11T12:52:00.000-07:002006-11-12T16:59:59.504-08:00

And he’s like, Steve, Steve, Steve, I need your help on something, I’m out in the Hamptons and I’m doing a crossword puzzle here and I’m trying to remember that word that you Eastern religion hippie freaks are always using … what is it? Five letters, begins with K. Kurma? Korma? No, that’s some kind of Indian food. Oh wait. Karma. That’s it, isn't it? Karma? I think that’s it. Great. Whew! But

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155325926293894602006-08-11T12:51:00.001-07:002006-11-12T16:59:59.117-08:00

And he says, Look, Steve, I’m standing outside your building with a film crew and your dickhead security goons won’t let me in. Yeah, you, buddy, I just called you a dickhead, so deal with it. Not you, Steve. Sorry. I'm talking to your security goon. Steve, I’m doing this movie about corporations, about this options stuff, I mean people don’t realize how the top half a percent in this country

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155325898583363232006-08-11T12:51:00.000-07:002006-11-12T16:59:58.951-08:00

And he’s like, Hey, man, I’m sitting here in rehab feeling sorry for myself and then I saw what they’re doing to you and I’m like, You know what? I’m a lucky man. Believe me, I know how it feels to have these bastards hunting you down. Now they’ve got me stuck here in this f-ing rehab place, sitting around playing Monopoly with Tom Sizemore who I guess basically lives here now whenever he’s not

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155325871019142722006-08-11T12:50:00.001-07:002006-11-12T16:59:58.685-08:00

And he goes, Wait a minute, who’s this? Steve? Wait. This is Steve Jobs? Shit. I was calling for Jerry York. Returning his call. Musta got the numbers mixed up. Awkward. Yes. Sorry for this. Sorry to bug you. Wrong number. Bye.

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155325841128779132006-08-11T12:50:00.000-07:002006-11-12T16:59:58.482-08:00

And he goes, I know, I know, I know what you’re thinking. You're thinking, I don’t need representation. Fair enough, everyone thinks that, and I’m just calling to plant a seed. Cause I’m sure you know who I am, and I’m sure you know that I’m pretty darn good at what I do. I mean, the words “Michael Jackson” and “acquitted” aren’t exactly supposed to show up in the same sentence, right? Well it’s

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155325784476041762006-08-11T12:49:00.000-07:002006-11-12T16:59:58.288-08:00

And he’s laughing and in that nasal voice of his he goes, Hey, Steve, bummer that this all happened right before the big Worldwide Developers Conference, huh? I mean it kind of takes a little shine off the Apple, right? Man oh man, I’m sorry. I crack myself up sometimes. But I sympathize, Steve. I do. Seriously. I mean, it’s all so random. Like, all this hassle over, what, like 5 million shares

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155325751411332372006-08-11T12:48:00.002-07:002006-11-12T16:59:58.101-08:00

And he goes, Kid, I’m in f-ing Macau taking care of something, and I just heard about this, and I know you know what I’m talking about, so kid, what the f- is going on over there? I mean, how many times I gotta tell you? What the f- is wrong with you, kid? And don’t tell me you didn’t know, cause f- that, kid, you think I’m stupid? You think I don’t got people who talk to me? Don’t insult me. I’m

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155325727118420262006-08-11T12:48:00.001-07:002006-11-12T16:59:57.904-08:00

And he’s like, Uh, yeah, uh, hi Steve, uh, ya know, I been doing some more thinking and uh, ya know, uh, I know we talked about me staying on the board and all, but you know what, I been thinking about it some more, and I think maybe it probably is a good idea for me to step down after all, cause, I don’t know, I got so much on my plate these days, and, uh, like I’m maybe gonna make a run in 2008

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155325701879382342006-08-11T12:48:00.000-07:002006-11-12T16:59:57.734-08:00

Friggin thing was sitting right in my home office the whole time. Shows you where my head is at right now. It was right on my desk underneath a stack of resumes for the CFO position that we’re going to have to fill soon. Hey, look, someone’s gotta jump on the grenade, and it ain’t gonna be Steve, right? Seriously. I mean, I’m not the one who gave me 5 million restricted shares, am I? People are

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155325671770559362006-08-11T12:47:00.000-07:002006-11-12T16:59:57.555-08:00

Never have been. Everybody knows that. My last math class was like in the eleventh grade and I got a C. And maybe you don't know this but I didn't exactly study business or finance. I'm not some MBA, okay? So this options crap is such a pain in my butt and I don’t have time for it. But I know the Apple faithful want answers and it's times like these when the cult leader has to reassure the flock,

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155325621319275622006-08-11T12:46:00.000-07:002006-11-12T16:59:57.384-08:00

Just some friggin high school kids who kept walking up, peering in my window, then egging my car and runnning away. Dicks. Worse than that, though, my stomach is really messed up. Not sure what's wrong. Lots of growling. Kinda thing where you don't know whether to call a doctor or an exorcist. Maybe both. Thinking maybe I should stop the 7 Day Miracle Cleanse, though I don't think you're supposed

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155325459279564892006-08-11T12:41:00.001-07:002006-11-12T16:59:57.171-08:00

Dudes are really playing around with the Jobsmeister on this iPod thing and it is not cool, people. Like the friggen jagoff who sent me this photo of an iPod with my name signed on it in magic marker and a ransom note demanding that Apple dump OS X and license Vista instead. Scoble, did you not realize that we can totally tell that it's you under the baseball cap snapping the photo with your Treo

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155325312235831662006-08-11T12:41:00.000-07:002006-11-12T16:59:57.016-08:00

You know when I suggested recently that you should "get a grip" and find something valuable to do with your life? Like instead of playing Segway polo? Well, this isn't exactly what I had in mind. But whatever. And I know you're still pissed about me cheating you on the split of that thousand-dollar bonus back in the 1970s but come on, man. It's me. The Steve-inator. Remember? Call me, bro.

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155325261139730082006-08-11T12:40:00.000-07:002006-11-12T16:59:56.846-08:00

OMFG. Five days before the keynote and my friggin iPod goes missing. And it's got everything on it, the keynote, the slides, the product photos and literature, even Walt Mossberg's rave reviews for next week, which I just finished writing. Dude, this is totally bad, okay? I mean, if this stuff gets out. I'm freaking the frig out. Checked the house, the Jobs Mobile, every inch of the Jobs Pod,

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155325223226970182006-08-11T12:39:00.000-07:002006-11-12T16:59:56.647-08:00

Rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic? Something like that? Or something like this? Honestly, the whole Microsoft sitch is getting almost painful to watch, isn't it? I mean, there are times when you just gotta feel sorry for those guys, dontcha?No? Yeah, me neither.

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155312528571332982006-08-11T09:08:00.001-07:002006-11-12T16:59:56.469-08:00

Bono just called. I guess it's looking pretty bad for El Jefe. Bono says he and Kofi Annan are flying to Havana tonight. I wanna be there too but it's just the worst possible time to get away from work, with the keynote coming up in six days. Told Bono to call me when he gets there. If things really get worse I may zip down. Peace out and say an extra prayer tonight, to whichever God you worship.

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155312509192866022006-08-11T09:08:00.000-07:002006-11-12T16:59:56.267-08:00

So Al Gore calls me cause he's heard about the meeting with the Clintstones and he says he knows all the crap that Hillary was saying about him. And he just sighs and goes, in this really sad voice, Well, Steve, it's been great being on your board, I mean it, and I really thank you for giving me the opportunity, and for the free Powerbooks and everything, seriously. You're a great guy.

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155312481208094882006-08-11T09:07:00.001-07:002006-11-12T16:59:55.981-08:00

Dudes, we made the big time. See this story from the Sunday New York Times yesterday? I got plugged after Schwartz. Shoulda been first but oh well. Beats a sharp stick to the eye.

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155312458028293632006-08-11T09:07:00.000-07:002006-11-12T16:59:55.795-08:00

And you guys wonder why I'm blogging on Blogger instead of .Mac? See here. Well I'm sure it's gonna get straightened out soon. Anyhoo, I gotta boogie, it's noon and I'm gonna be late for aromatherapy. Peace out.

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155312416144990192006-08-11T09:06:00.001-07:002006-11-12T16:59:55.579-08:00

And friggin Jonathan Schwartz won't shut his pie hole long enough for any of the rest of us get a word in. There's a story on it here that kinda gives you a hint of what it was like, but trust me, it was way worse. I'm sorry, but I gotta say this. Jonathan's got that really dangerous combination of being not very smart yet thinking he's like super, super, super smart, like the smartest person in

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155312364400408142006-08-11T09:05:00.002-07:002006-11-12T16:59:55.026-08:00

This story cracks me up. Some doofus at the Chicago Tribune reported that an iPod can last "four years" after hearing our spokesbabe say an iPod can last "for years." I mean, hello? Has anyone ever heard of an iPod lasting four friggin years? Come on. Think about it, people. How are we gonna sell new ones if the old ones don't crap out on schedule? Do you think we're stupid? Man. We say "for

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155312339126378282006-08-11T09:05:00.001-07:002006-11-12T16:59:54.851-08:00

So I was doing some tai chi in my backyard just now and I realized, man, in like exactly one week I'm gonna be taking the stage in front of the hippest, coolest, tech-savviest audience in the world, and I'm going to blow their friggin minds. That's all I can say at this point. Anyhoo I gotta go cause Larisa, our house manager, says my celery and carrot juice smoothie is ready. Peace out.

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155312315300834442006-08-11T09:05:00.000-07:002006-11-12T16:59:54.602-08:00

Do you realize he's now got a company called "My Asshole"???? Seriously. Check it out here. And like, okay, I see the accent mark, but whatever, I just hope it's not a category name next time Sean Connery is on Celebrity Jeopardy. And come on. Do you mean to tell me of all the possible names in the world, they couldn't come up with something that every teenage boy in the world wouldn't

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155312294909443232006-08-11T09:04:00.000-07:002006-11-12T16:59:54.418-08:00

So the big secret meeting. What crap. It was Bill and Hillary Clinton being huge a-holes and trying to shake us down for money. I got there late, cause to hell with getting anywhere early and sitting around waiting, and anyway I figured this was gonna be another one of John Doerr’s stupid meetings where he tries to foist off some stupid Kleiner startup that isn’t working out, like remember Excite

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155312252512324002006-08-11T09:03:00.002-07:002006-11-12T16:59:54.207-08:00

Dudes, sorry for the delay in filing. My MacBook Pro got the heebie-jeebies and crapped out on me. Called customer service on Saturday, yeah right, got put on hold for like forever so finally I got into the JobsMobile and schlepped out to the Apple store at the Stanford Shopping Center in Palo Alto, where the “genius” behind the counter first of all is talking on his cell phone, which friggin

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155312225054153672006-08-11T09:03:00.001-07:002006-11-12T16:59:53.911-08:00

Check out this article at eWeek. Totally on the money. We are on the brink of a huge windfall. That's in part thanks to delays in Vista. But also there's something larger going on. People who think of themselves as hip or "techie" see our machines as better, cooler -- a BMW versus a Yugo. The high price actually adds to the allure. Money quote:With Vista missing the holiday and back-to-school

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155312208058579472006-08-11T09:03:00.000-07:002006-11-12T16:59:53.739-08:00

So my colorist, Annalisa, was here today to work on my beard and get just the right mix of salt and pepper. I like to get this stuff done a week or so before a big event, so everything has a few days to settle in and look natural. Anyhoo, I was freaking out as usual and Annalisa, I swear she's like my shrink, she says, Steve, calm down, seriously, this year's show is the best I've ever seen from

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155312187452354382006-08-11T09:02:00.002-07:002006-11-12T16:59:53.490-08:00

All I know is that it's at John Doerr's house and we have to be there at 9 p.m. sharp on Friday. And we should expect to be frisked. Full report as soon as I know anything more. Peace out.

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155312166176771532006-08-11T09:02:00.001-07:002006-11-12T16:59:53.275-08:00

Google says it will crack down on click fraud. Right. And tobacco companies want you to stop smoking. People, have you not figured this out yet? Google is doing the click fraud, okay? Think about this for like two seconds. Who makes money on click fraud? Have you not noticed that Google is building all these top-secret data centers with no windows on them? Why do you think they work so hard to

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155312141295082522006-08-11T09:02:00.000-07:002006-11-12T16:59:53.073-08:00

Something big is happening. I just got a call on my private line from someone I can't name telling me to be at a meeting tomorrow night in an undisclosed location here in the Valley. All I know is it's big, like very big, and some very heavy-hitters are going to be there. And as my friend told me, "You don't want to be there, you gotta be there." More info to come later. Stay tuned.

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155312123838967452006-08-11T09:01:00.002-07:002006-11-12T16:59:52.851-08:00

So the guy who sells the 7-day Miracle Cleanse, Paris DeAguero, aka the Health Man, contacted me cause someone sent him a link from my blog where I was raving about the product. He's like wired up on a zillion cups of coffee or crystal meth or something and he's like, Steve, Steve, you love the product, right? Right? You love the product? That's great, Steve, that's great, wow, so write me up a

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155312097741834082006-08-11T09:01:00.001-07:002006-11-12T16:59:52.639-08:00

Man it is hotter than the inside of a monkey's butt out here in the Valley. Seriously. If we didn't have our own backup generators we'd be frigged, big-time. I don't know how regular people deal with it. It's so hot I'm not even going outside. I just take the elevator down from the Jobs Pod into the Jobs Cave, then ride my air-conditioned electric train through the tunnel to the Jobs Domicile. So

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155312076661106682006-08-11T09:01:00.000-07:002006-11-12T16:59:52.435-08:00

First came the Razr and the Pebl. Now there's a new Razr. And the Rizr. And the Krzr. What tonedeaf marketing frigtard is thinking up these crappy names? Oh, that's right. The Luzr. Ed, stop it, okay? You're making my head hurt with these farkakte names.

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155312056423344162006-08-11T09:00:00.002-07:002006-11-12T16:59:52.289-08:00

So Microsoft lured all these dumbass makers of MP3 players and online music stores into its ecosystem. Now that they've built up the market, Microsoft swoops in with Zune and its own store and they're all frigged, according to this article in CNET. How does this keep happening? After 20 years of date raping every one of its "business partners," Microsoft still manages to lure people into its

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155312037647971392006-08-11T09:00:00.001-07:002006-11-12T16:59:52.176-08:00

So they create a Web site where lame-ass losers do soccer tricks with their fingers and rolled-up paper balls. Riiiight. Great work there, Satjiv Chahil. And people still wonder why we fired you. HP's snazzy new slogan is "The computer is personal again." I guess because "Our buggy new operating system won't be ready until late next year and we don't have anything new to sell you" doesn't have

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155312015306379112006-08-11T09:00:00.000-07:002006-11-12T16:59:52.052-08:00

But this is different. This isn't an endorsement. It's a direct order. Go get this product. Immediately. It will change your life. I just finished my second seven-day miracle cleanse and all I can say is, Wow. I want to shout from the rooftops. I want to dance and sing. I want to fly to Thailand and make love to strangers. Andy Grove turned me on to this and I'll admit I was skeptical. I'd seen

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155311994861351892006-08-11T08:59:00.001-07:002006-11-12T16:59:51.938-08:00

So apparently gasoline is selling for like eight bucks a gallon these days, according to Javier, the guy who takes care of our cars. And I was thinking, man, that must be really tough for like people who don't get their cars paid for by their company or whatever. And I wondered if there was maybe something we could do with technology to make that not so bad for people. Like, something with an

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155311964461479252006-08-11T08:59:00.000-07:002006-11-12T16:59:51.831-08:00

Here's a photo of Lou Dobbs right after he had surgery to remove his brain. Lou, watch out! Mexican homosexuals are pouring into this country to marry each other, have abortions, steal our jobs and burn our flag! We must stop them!

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155311943016866502006-08-11T08:58:00.000-07:002006-11-12T16:59:51.701-08:00

Just saw this article about some woman who claims to be a descendant of Jesus and Mary Magdalene and I thought, Whoa! There's another one? Seriously? Do I like have another sister that I didn’t know about? I really want to meet her. I want to ask her, like, when did you first realize that you were different? For me it was very early. Anyway, I’ve got Kali, one of my assistants, tracking this babe

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155311895040336412006-08-11T08:57:00.001-07:002006-11-12T16:59:51.564-08:00

So for years you anti-virus guys been going to these hush-hush meetings at Microsoft and signing NDAs and telling them everything about how your products work. Now – surprise! – Microsoft introduces products that do exactly what your products do, but is charging way less. And you’re all crying, boo-hoo, about how Microsoft tricked you. Wait a minute. Haven’t I seen this movie before? You know, it

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155311845983557702006-08-11T08:57:00.000-07:002006-11-12T16:59:51.443-08:00

I engineered the biggest, stupidest merger in all of world history. See my dumb, bovine expression? My idiotic, 80-IQ grin? Yet just a few years ago you all thought I was the biggest genius in the world, and you let me play with billions and billions of your dollars. Now I just want to tell you I'm sorry. Really. I mean it. I’m soooo sorry. I destroyed more shareholder value than Enron and Tyco

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155311825859258992006-08-11T08:56:00.002-07:002006-11-12T16:59:51.308-08:00

No reason, really. I just don't. Never have. Maybe cause in high school I had this Indian boss who was a total dick. Anyhoo. I was totally against the Bangalore customer service center. Got outvoted. But I won in the end. I mean, just look at this crazy mofo. He'd slit your throat for a pack of Chiclets, right? And he was the guy they had running the place. Also, I can't tolerate eating in India

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155311802743665352006-08-11T08:56:00.001-07:002006-11-12T16:59:51.175-08:00

Ya know, I don't care what you think of Novell, this just isn't cool. The poor guys are trying. No need to harass their engineers by hanging signs next to their development labs. I'm serious. I mean, I love to compete, and I don't mind a little trash talk. But I'm not down with this. And I sure hope they catch whoever keeps doing it. Say, has anyone seen Gates lately?

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155311777698898002006-08-11T08:56:00.000-07:002006-11-12T16:59:51.054-08:00

I mean, put a lame-ass suit and a pair of round glasses on that squirrel and he could be running Google, right? And what is up with Schmidt's haircut? Dude, you're a bazillionaire, and you're going to Supercuts or something. But let's be honest. If God really existed, Eric Schmidt would be managing a McDonald's someplace in the Midwest, teaching a business class at the local community college,

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155311755552992122006-08-11T08:55:00.002-07:002006-11-12T16:59:50.914-08:00

And says he's using a satellite phone from up in his friggin balloon at like 14,000 feet, where he is wearing a space suit and just had a massive brainstorm. He says, Mate, we're gonna create a new section on Virgin Atlantic, right behind Upper Class, and call it iPod Class. The whole section is redone in that glossy candy white color like an iPod. The walls, the seat backs, the seat cushions,

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155311735694799852006-08-11T08:55:00.001-07:002006-11-12T16:59:50.763-08:00

This year's WWDC is a big deal for me, bigger than ever before, for reasons that are hard to explain. It's just that we're soooo on a roll right now, and I want everything to be perfect. It's like, I saw this whole thing in a dream, or in a movie, like ten years ago ... I saw all of this in like a vision and now it's all happening for real, which is just incredible. Anyhoo. I'm stressing out

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155311715011245562006-08-11T08:55:00.000-07:002006-11-12T16:59:50.659-08:00

So I've been wrestling for days with whether I should show this or wait until Aug. 7 which is the original plan. But I'm just too psyched to wait. So. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you ... the iBall. It's the next phase in our multiproduct rollout with Nike and it's so bitchin you won't believe it. Basically it's a Nike golf ball with a little RF transmitter chip inside. Slice a shot into the

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155311692642645072006-08-11T08:54:00.000-07:002006-11-12T16:59:50.488-08:00

Don't get me wrong. I like the guy. But the moment I knew that Microsoft was truly doomed was when they announced they were putting Ozzie in charge. Hello, Microsoft? Have you looked at a calendar lately? You do realize that the year is 2006? Now you've got Mr. Lotus Notes who's gonna drag you kicking and screaming into the 1980s. I mean, Notes was a cool product -- in 1985. But do you not

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155311665530632122006-08-11T08:53:00.001-07:002006-11-12T16:59:50.270-08:00

I mentioned in my previous post that Gates has been trying to poach away our OS X programmers. This started a few years ago, I guess when they first realized that Vista was in trouble. Natch our guys just laughed when they got the calls. I mean, they're working in heaven. You think they're gonna go shovel pigshit in Redmond? Plus, uh, even with backdating, you might have noticed that Microsoft

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155311628257385292006-08-11T08:53:00.000-07:002006-11-12T16:59:50.139-08:00

So this is supposed to be confidential but whatever. Bill has screwed everyone who ever got close to him, and on top of that he's been secretly trying to poach away our OS X programmers for the past 2 years. So what do I owe him? Nothing. Anyway, turdface called me last night after Microsoft put out its lame financials which beat the Street but only because the Street already knows how badly

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155311598089851242006-08-11T08:52:00.002-07:002006-11-12T16:59:49.942-08:00

So now that we've totally blown out our numbers, the parasites on Wall Street think Apple is a good investment again, according to this story. Gee whiz. Ya think so? Like, we're only the hottest tech company in the world. And aren't you big Wall Street dickheads supposed to figure out things like this before they happen? Not after? Whatever.

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155311542284041452006-08-11T08:52:00.000-07:002006-11-12T16:59:49.677-08:00

So Steve Spielberg called me. Apparently there is this totally huge war like raging in Israel and Lebanon right now, but of course the American media isn't covering it at all, they'd rather report on Britney Spears putting her baby in the microwave or whatever. But it's totally serious and totally bad, and Steve tells me he's got this idea for a Dreamworks-Pixar animated movie about two boys, one

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155311515534265212006-08-11T08:51:00.002-07:002006-11-12T16:59:49.534-08:00

Just want to let you all know that I am reading the comments, and appreciate your feedback. I can't always respond to everyone individually but I want to thank you anyway. As for the product features, I can't promise we'll be able to accommodate every request, but I'm passing all of your ideas on to our product development people, and we'll give it our best shot. Meanwhile I'm really discovering

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155311493361615432006-08-11T08:51:00.001-07:002006-11-12T16:59:49.411-08:00

Great article in Time about our new iPod jogging thing with Nike. Exactly as we wrote it and sent it to them, not a word changed. Nice. Guess we'll keep advertising with them after all. I love how desperate all the print books are now. You can get them to do anything.

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155311471541129212006-08-11T08:51:00.000-07:002006-11-12T16:59:49.172-08:00

Wow. Will ya look at these friggin financials! Sales up 24%, net profit up 48%. And our EPS is 10 cents above what those imbeciles on Wall Street were predicting. Gosh. We are sooo friggin hot right now. We're like the Michael Jordan of business. Nothing but net. Hey, Michael Dell, how you guys doing down there in Buttfriggerville? Huh? What's that? I can't hear you. Watchoo say, boy? Sales up 6%

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155311449489189202006-08-11T08:50:00.001-07:002006-11-12T16:59:49.017-08:00

So every once in a while, usually when I've smoked a little too much weed and I'm feeling kind of malicious, I like to crank call old Agent Sculley and just frig with his head. I'll call him at like 3 in the morning and ask him if he's got Prince Albert in a can, or I'll tell him I'm a telemarketer raising money for the Unemployed CEO Foundation, or I'll do the one where I pretend I work for the

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155311423684042732006-08-11T08:50:00.000-07:002006-11-12T16:59:48.843-08:00

Our "marked fiver" plan is working perfectly. Check out the big "scoops" that the shizzlehead "Nick DePlume" (aka Nick DeJagoff) at ThinkSecret ran today. First about us renting movies (er, right, as if) and then about a new iPod nano. This guy just prints anything, doesn't he? Man oh man. My fave is this one where he claims he is separating fact from fiction. Whatever, loser. Anyhoo, just to

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155311397353873042006-08-11T08:49:00.002-07:002006-11-12T16:59:48.683-08:00

Man, sometimes I'm embarrassed to admit that I know this guy. Like, when I watched this really uncomfortable video of my former "partner" playing Segway polo. Groan. Woz, let me ask you: When was the last time you kissed a girl? Or pushed back from the table without having seconds? And now it's come to this. You're playing Segway polo and wearing those goofy-ass sunglasses with the MP3 player

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155311374109003782006-08-11T08:49:00.001-07:002006-11-12T16:59:48.517-08:00

I swear I just got a pop-up ad for this real estate development. Something tells me people aren't exactly lining up to buy these condos these days.

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155311353372149722006-08-11T08:49:00.000-07:002006-11-12T16:59:48.323-08:00

There's big news about to break from IDC and our legal folks say I can pre-announce it here. Basically, the latest PC market share figures show we've taken another huge bite out of the beast from Redmond. The report's gonna come out like Friday or something and it's gonna show that as of the end of June we had 3.17% market share, up from 3.15% in the previous quarter and 3.12% in the year-ago

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155311333342235562006-08-11T08:48:00.000-07:002006-11-12T16:59:48.053-08:00

So we're trying to figure out which publication should get the exclusive cover on El Jobso to go with the August keynote. I'm leaning toward Fortune, only because Kirkpatrick usually runs the story pretty much exactly as we write it for him. But our PR "experts" say Newsweek has more impact, and Levy won't do too much editing of our copy, either. I guess we'll flip a coin or something.

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155311284881862892006-08-11T08:47:00.000-07:002006-11-12T16:59:47.893-08:00

The seventies called, and they want their hairstyle back. Dude, seriously, you are freaking everyone out with that Bernie from Room 222 hairdo. It's as if all the bullshit that can't make its way out through your fingertips onto the keyboard now is pressing directly out of your skull through your hair follicles. Maybe you think the weirdo hair makes you look cool, like some kind of Black Panther

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155311248925817862006-08-11T08:46:00.000-07:002006-11-12T16:59:47.685-08:00

This just happened and I'm still soooo pissed. Like at 3 or 4 this morning I'm out cruising on the 101 in the JobsMobile trying to brainstorm something for a certain product that we're about to announce to the whole friggin world in like three friggin weeks and we still don't have it ready ... anyway I do this sometimes just to get my head together. And I get pulled over. This total CHPs guy.

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155311168288003752006-08-11T08:45:00.001-07:002006-11-12T16:59:47.413-08:00

Big keynote coming up August 7. Still working on it to get it perfect. Long hours locked up in the Jobs Pod, using a bank of totally encrypted machines. I've also started something new: We're intentionally leaking lots of bogus stuff so the frigtards like the ThinkSecret dope will go ahead and print all of it and look like the morons they are. Have you heard the one about the new iPod phone?

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155311131785120122006-08-11T08:45:00.000-07:002006-11-12T16:59:47.221-08:00

Oops. Just spotted Scott McNealy at a T.G.I. Friday's in Campbell. I was just about to go over and say hi when I realized that a) he was drunk; b) it was only 11:30 in the morning; and c) he was semi hitting on this 50-something secretary type, telling her how he used to fly in this huge corporate jet and how he totally knows Bill Gates and the Google guys. Sad stuff. I ducked into the men's room

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155311109676129382006-08-11T08:44:00.002-07:002006-11-12T16:59:47.043-08:00

And his stupid hundred-dollar PC is the ugliest piece of crap I've ever seen. There, I said it. Look at him with those stupid glasses propped halfway down his nose. This guy really thinks he's the shizzle, doesn't he? Mr. Big Brain from the MIT Media Lab. A real intellectual. Pop quiz: Name one thing this guy has ever predicted correctly. Question Two: Name one worthwhile product he has ever

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155311076741682682006-08-11T08:44:00.001-07:002006-11-12T16:59:46.829-08:00

The browser, I mean. I was almost maybe kinda gonna download it and check it out because it's getting so much buzz, but then I saw this scary-ass picture of their typical users or whatever on their homepage and I thought this is a group I definitely do NOT want to belong to. I mean, Candy looks like some freako Asian dominatrix. Marcus either is awaiting gender reassignment surgery, or just had

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155311055316335482006-08-11T08:44:00.000-07:002006-11-12T16:59:46.644-08:00

People often ask me why the tech desk people in our stores are called "geniuses." Well, first of all, though you didn't ask, yes, this was my idea. And the reason we do this is simple. How else can you get pretentious a-holes to work for seven bucks an hour answering stupid questions about computers? Call them "clerks" or "tech support reps" and you've got to pay them at least ten bucks an hour,

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155311029599723222006-08-11T08:43:00.001-07:002006-11-12T16:59:46.367-08:00

Trust me on this. You've probably seen this story or others like it about how we're dropping the case against the so-called "journalists" who published leaked info about our products on their stupid blogs. Fair enough. The courts are letting these little freaks hide behind some shield law. No such luck for the bastards in our shop who leaked the info. Trust me, we'll find them. We've hired

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155311003523413912006-08-11T08:43:00.000-07:002006-11-12T16:59:46.112-08:00

It's that weird eye. Hasn't anyone else noticed it? Nobody ever talks about it. We had a meeting in Austin with him once and right before we went in one of my manufacturing guys, Darin, who is a total asshole, says, Dudes, whatever you do, don't look at his eye. So of course that's the only thing any of us can think about. For like half an hour Michael Dell is talking to us and we're all staring

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155310978761440632006-08-11T08:42:00.001-07:002006-11-12T16:59:45.951-08:00

This oblivious frigtard was mowing his lawn and listening to Metallica on his iPod when he was struck by lightning and blasted out of his sneakers. Of course Gomer Pyle and his mom are blaming the iPod, saying it acted like a lightning rod, even though scientists say, uh, that's not possible. Sorry, Jethro, but good luck with the lawsuit. Why don't you file in People's Court? I've always wanted

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155310955962331172006-08-11T08:42:00.000-07:002006-11-12T16:59:45.827-08:00

Good story this a.m. in the Journal about Sergey and Larry fighting like two little bitches over who gets to have the bigger bed on their stupid 767 party plane. Guys, sorry to break the news to you, but someone has to, so here goes: You're not genius mathematicians. You're not Einstein or Alan Turing or the "brilliant mind" guy. You're a pair of poser grad students who got lucky. Enjoy it while

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155310931615584982006-08-11T08:41:00.001-07:002006-11-12T16:59:45.661-08:00

Says today in the paper that Microsoft is coming out with an iPod clone and its own version of our iTunes store. I'll wager a signed hundred dollar bill (the kind I wipe my ass with) that their device, like their CEO, will be big, fat, ugly and stupid. And constantly rebooting. And their Windows-based "store" will require a manual to understand it, will have eight zillion icons and pull-down

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155310902294366592006-08-11T08:41:00.000-07:002006-11-12T16:59:45.389-08:00

So Bono calls me last night. Hammered. Of course. And sobbing. Says he's just seen this stupid Al Gore movie about global warming and he's freaking out. Oh, Steve, he says, you should see the poor polar bears. Drownin! We gotta do sumfin, like have a concert or whatever. So I tell him, hey, first of all, a real polar bear would bite your friggin head clean off and eat you alive, they're not

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155310867876603302006-08-11T08:40:00.001-07:002006-11-12T16:59:45.108-08:00

sometimes i feel like a great chefwho has devoted his entire lifeto monastic study of the art of cooking& gathered the finest ingredients& built the most advanced kitchen& prepared the most exquisite mealso perfect so delicious so extraordinarymore astounding than any meal ever createdyet each day i stand in my window & watch ninety-seven percent of the world walk past my restaurantinto the

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155310829016012932006-08-11T08:40:00.000-07:002006-11-12T16:59:44.912-08:00

So it's in the papers today so I might as well explain. Sometime like way back in the past before iPods were even invented Apple gave me like 10 million options or whatever and they like back-dated them or something so that on the day they were granted I already had like a 30% gain or something. But I never sold them or something so I never made any money on them or whatever. This is what they

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155310803521070422006-08-11T08:39:00.001-07:002006-11-12T16:59:44.732-08:00

When I first saw this, I thought it was the punch line to a joke. Like, what would happen if Dell tried to build an iMac? Ha ha. Only it's not a joke. They actually sell this. People buy it. I weep for these people. Shame on you, Michael Dell.

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155310779392372682006-08-11T08:39:00.000-07:002006-11-12T16:59:44.543-08:00

The gigantic yacht. The World Cup sailboats. The fighter jets. The Japanese palace. The giving money to Harvard then taking it back. The guy has penis issues, right? (Trust me on this. We belonged to the same gym, back in the 80s. People used to make jokes.) And what is up with this plastic surgery? Larry, you're 61 years old and you look like friggin Keanu Reeves. (Who I totally happen to know,

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155310749702636942006-08-11T08:38:00.001-07:002006-11-12T16:59:44.372-08:00

So let's think about this. You sit at the end of a free pipe and rake in $6 billion a year selling ads that run against other people's content. Meanwhile the guys who own the pipes are almost going out of business. Ya think maybe they're gonna get a teensy weensy bit jealous? Like maybe they figure you should be sharing back a little of what you're raping them for? Yet you guys have the brass

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155310718254319902006-08-11T08:38:00.000-07:002006-11-12T16:59:44.225-08:00

True story. One night Bono and I are driving up the 280 at like two in the morning in a rainstorm and this guy in a giant Lexus kind of swerves as he's changing lanes, and almost hits us. Bono has got like this total Irish temper and plus he's had a few and he's like, Fook this, mate, I'm gonna stick this fooking Aston Martin up this fooker's arse! So he floors it and in like a nanosecond we're

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155310691697712282006-08-11T08:37:00.001-07:002006-11-12T16:59:44.086-08:00

Money, I mean actual paper money and coins, is such a ridiculous concept when you think about it. Which is why I stopped carrying it. It's so 19th century or something. And credit cards? Why should I need to carry a piece of plastic with me to make a purchase? It's a number. Right? One number, I carry it with me in my head, and I buy things. Is that so hard to understand? Last week I was in a

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155310667898638762006-08-11T08:37:00.000-07:002006-11-12T16:59:43.920-08:00

Our new ads are so cool. These ones with the dorky PC guy and the cool Apple guy, I mean. And yes, if you're wondering, this was my idea. I did the storyboarding and scripts and even got involved in some of the costuming decisions. Like the dork guy's tweed coat. Genius! And the fact that he's kind of overweight and his khaki pants ride up a bit. The agency started out with this cool-looking

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155310636907205462006-08-11T08:36:00.001-07:002006-11-12T16:59:43.750-08:00

It's the hot new thing. A kind of clone of Unix. And it's free. There's this little company in North Carolina -- North Carolina, canyoubelieveit? -- that's really pushing it. Red Hat, they're called. Not sure what that means. Anyhoo, if anyone has tried this stuff out, drop me a line and let me know what you think. Does it work? Is it beautiful?

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155310603298546902006-08-11T08:36:00.000-07:002006-11-12T16:59:43.567-08:00

So let me get this straight. Microsoft sells you a machine that is all frigged up and gets viruses all the time. Now they create this OneCare stuff which supposedly fixes your frigged up machine, and they are only going to charge you 50 bucks. Such a deal! Bill Gates, you truly are a wonderful human being, a great philanthropist, a gift to the human race. I can't believe we only have 3% market

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155310515620507592006-08-11T08:34:00.000-07:002006-11-12T16:59:43.345-08:00

Do you believe this shizzle? I am so pissed I can hardly type. We told these idiots -- I mean explicitly told them, in writing, from a lawyer -- that we did not grant them permission to publish an article about us. So what do they do? They go ahead and publish an article. Can you friggin believe it? And what do they say? What's their big news? Oh, Apple is all secretive, they keep all these

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155310452760418312006-08-11T08:32:00.000-07:002006-11-12T16:59:43.146-08:00

My life is awesome. Let's face it. It's not like I'm bragging. I'm just true. I have the coolest computer company in the world, which I totally started in my garage, all by myself. I invented the friggin iPod, OK? Have you heard of it? I thought so. And I have a totally cool house and no, you cannot come over, in fact you cannot even know where my house is located, and I have so much money that I

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32422990.post-1155077361660835702006-08-08T15:48:00.000-07:002006-11-12T16:59:42.963-08:00

I'm baaaack.

Diablo Codeinenoreply@blogger.com4