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Friday, August 11, 2006

Look into my eyes

Folks, this may be my last post before I go into seclusion and start my 24 hour fast leading up to the keynote. But before I go, I want to assure you, there is nothing to worry about. Okay? The one thing I don't want is to have this crazy options thing hanging over the entire WWDC. So I've devised a little program to help us all clear our minds. Here's how it works. Get out your photograph of me, or if you don't have one yet (shame on you) you can use the one I've included here. (Just make sure you read, understand and fully comply with the Usage Agreement that applies to all images of me.) Prop the photograph up on your desk, or make it your screen saver, and then lean back in your chair and look into my eyes, just look into my eyes, the eyes, the eyes, not around the eyes, look into my eyes ... and say to yourself, Steve is Apple, Apple is good, Steve is Apple, Apple is good, and as you feel yourself becoming more and more relaxed, imagine yourself being transported to the Moscone Center, and this entire options issues is packed up tightly into a little tiny box, and it's far, far away, way over in the corner, and it's a smelly box, stinky and smelly and you don't even want to get close to it or even look at it ... because right over here, look over here, not over there but over here, right here on a gleaming, shiny, extremely clean Danish-style table of blonde wood and brushed aluminum, right in front you, we have arranged an incredible assortment of insanely exciting new products ... like a new video iPod with a huge screen for watching full-length movies ... and a new cell phone that lets you, uh, make phone calls, but has an Apple logo on it, very cool ... and then, beyond that, as far as the eye can see, rows and rows of new iMacs and new MacBooks, all brand new and glowing and running super-fast Intel Core Duo processors with loads of new Apple software programs, and they're all waving softly in the breeze, like rows of poppies, that's right, poppies ... mmmm, that's good, just keep looking right here, into my eyes, and see the shiny table full of insanely beautiful products and now, behind the table, see these cool beautiful Apple genius type people, in black T-shirts, smiling and clapping, so clap and cheer along with them, they're beckoning to you to come closer, come closer and join us and be happy forever.

Feel better now? I know I do. So whattaya say? Let's push away the negative thinking, and make this the best Worldwide Developers Conference ever. Peace out.


Blogger kl said...

umh... aah. =/ heheheh

11:05 PM  
Blogger ShandaMgarza said...

umm ok this one is spooky

12:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wahaahaahaaa! hehehe...

4:35 AM  

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