Dude, where's my friggin iPod?

OMFG. Five days before the keynote and my friggin iPod goes missing. And it's got everything on it, the keynote, the slides, the product photos and literature, even Walt Mossberg's rave reviews for next week, which I just finished writing. Dude, this is totally bad, okay? I mean, if this stuff gets out. I'm freaking the frig out. Checked the house, the Jobs Mobile, every inch of the Jobs Pod, retraced my steps, stopped in at the yoga studio. Nada. Zilch. My guess is I dropped it in the bathroom at the Starbucks on Stevens Creek Boulevard during an emergency pit stop (stomach troubles, you don't want to know) and somebody found it and took it. Dudes, if you've got it, or you know someone who does, just get it back to me, no questions asked, and you'll get a reward, I swear. It's easy to spot, since it's got my initials on the back. I'd prefer you didn't go through the files just out of consideration or whatever. But you're only human. I understand. And I'm the bozo who dropped it. I also realize you could probably get a lot of money for the information on that iPod, and I'm willing to consider that when paying the reward. I also realize that for some people it would just be super cool to be able to say you've got El Jobso's personal iPod, show it to your friends, sell it on Ebay or something. But look. I'll make it worth your while. I'll get you as many friggin iPods as you want, or a new iMac or something, plus a huge reward. I'm not going to say how much here, just get in touch and prove you've really got the real one, and we'll talk. And don't think you can just fake my initials on a random iPod and turn it in saying when you found it the drive had been wiped. I know the serial number. But if you're for real, please, work with me. We can meet anywhere you like. Just in case, I'm gonna sit in the parking lot outside that Starbucks today at noon in a black Lexus. If you're the one who found it you'll know which Starbucks. Flash your headlights three times and I'll know it's you. Like I said, no hassles, no questions, no recriminations. You made an honest mistake, and you're making it right. That's cool. You're thinking about your karma. Right on. You'll have a great story to tell your kids or whatever. And, just remember, it's not yours. It belongs to someone else. Someone very, very important who will get very, very upset if you don't give it back. Plus, if you keep it, that's stealing. Kind of. Anyway, dude, be like Spike Lee and do the right thing.