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Sunday, February 04, 2007

Bono is a class act

True story. One night Bono and I are driving up the 280 at like two in the morning in a rainstorm and this guy in a giant Lexus kind of swerves as he's changing lanes, and almost hits us. Bono has got like this total Irish temper and plus he's had a few and he's like, Fook this, mate, I'm gonna stick this fooking Aston Martin up this fooker's arse! So he floors it and in like a nanosecond we're right on this guy's rear bumper with our high beams on and then, I can't believe it, Bono hits the guy. Just a tap, the first time, but we're going about eighty and the Lexus starts fishtailing on the wet highway and the guy is freaking out, waving his arms, like Hey, what the frig! Bono starts cackling and he says, Hows dat fer a little taste of death, eh boyo? Then he pegs it and hits the guy again, harder this time, and then again, really smashing him, and the back of the Lexus crumples up like a tin can.

But here's the kicker. We all pull over. The guy gets out, and he's like got blood coming out of his eye sockets he's so pissed. And then we open our doors and he sees who we are. It takes him like a few seconds to register it. Then he's like, "Wait a minute, aren't you -- and aren't you --" And we're just standing there, like, Uh huh, yup, that's right, and don't you feel like the world's biggest turd right now? And he's all like, Dude, you scared the shit out of me! Ha! You guys are awesome! And like I'm soooo sorry about cutting you off, seriously, if I'd known, you know, who you were or whatever. And Bono says, Well, tink about dat next toim yer cuttin off some bloke and you don't know who it is, right? Could be Jesus. Or Boutros Boutros-Ghali or sumfin.

The guy gives him this look, like Boutros who? Bootsie Collins? Huh? Friggin American, probably doesn't know what the World Bank even is. Thinks it's some band from South Africa or something. So he says, Seriously, whatever, dudes, I'm just totally sorry. And this is how totally classy Bono is. He goes over and shakes the guy's hand, the rocker handshake with the thumbs up, and he says, It's cool, man, seriously, apology accepted. And then Bono goes, Hey, look, and hands this guy his own personal iPod, the U2 model, in black. You keep it, he says. The guy looks at it for a second and he's like, No friggin way. Like he just got a Cadillac from Elvis or something.

That's who Bono is. He takes a moment that could turn ugly and he makes it into something really beautiful. That's just how his processor is wired, you know? Class act. Totally.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Uhm...a few things wrong with your story...
But hey...never mind... they are still fun!



2:18 AM  
Blogger Elling said...

Few things wrong? Seriously, this is the funniest read I've had all day ;)

12:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah, that story sounded great to me!

6:08 PM  
Blogger Sheena said...

For me the best part was the way you perfectly got Bono's Dublin dialect. Lovely. It reminds me of the time we were both guests at Matthew McConnaughey's place in Malibu and we took a cooler filled with bottles of Guinness down to the beach at 2 A.M. -- just the two of us and we lay on our backs looking up at the stars and swiggin beer and Bono murmurs, "This is friggin great, Mate, yah know?" He's like a beautiful guy, yah know?

3:05 PM  
Blogger ViruS said...

hahahahahaha... Hope to cut u off sometime soon!!!

4:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for the nice post!

5:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Steve wouldn't say "the" 280. That's Angeleno-speak, not SV.

3:21 AM  

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