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Monday, March 26, 2007

Loyalty matters


So Al Gore calls me cause he's heard about the meeting with the Clintstones and he says he knows all the crap that Hillary was saying about him. And he just sighs and goes, in this really sad voice, Well, Steve, it's been great being on your board, I mean it, and I really thank you for giving me the opportunity, and for the free Powerbooks and everything, seriously. You're a great guy. Seriously.

And I'm like, Al, what are you talking about? He goes, Well, all that stuff she told you, you know, about the hospitals, the medications, the straitjackets, well, that's all true. Yeah. I'm wacky as a dime watch, Steve. Seriously. I've been battling this stuff all my life. I figured you'd find out sooner or later. To be honest I'm kind of surprised you didn't find that out when you did the background check. And I'm like, Al, we didn't do a background check, cause I mean, you were the friggin Vice President, right? What's to check? You had your finger on the button, for Pete's sake. And he goes, Yeah, that's kinda scary when you think about it, isn't it? I mean, man, there were times when I just got so down, I mean really down, and I just wanted to go in there and blow up the friggin world, I'm not kidding. Almost did it a couple of times but they caught me sneaking in. And this whole global warming thing? It's a crock. Tipper got me into it figuring I needed something to do after I got my ass beat by that chimp Bush. So fine. Put together some Powerpoint slides, go on the road, keep me busy. My doc said okay as long as I had some supervision. Said the public speaking would be reparative. Whatever. But then the whole thing just snowballed out of control. I mean people started believing this crap. Man. Now these morons like Markos Moulitsas are pushing me to run for president. Meanwhile, old Hillary Rodham Corleone already sat me down and showed me the dossier they got on me, and told me if I dare run against her she'll make sure I'm roommates with Jimmy Hoffa, if you know what I mean, and believe me, man, that babe ain't kidding. Not at all.

He sighs and goes, So anyway, thanks for putting me on your board for a while. It really cheered me up. It's been real fun, honest. I enjoyed it. And I got to hang out with Bono and people like that, which is pretty cool. You know, for a short time I actually felt like I mattered again. Like life was worth living. So anyway, we'll just work it out somehow, I'll resign over the Labor Day weekend or something and say it's cause I'm really busy with the Greenpeace bullcrap or something, okay?

And I'm like, Hey, Al -- don't you even think about that. That's not how SPJ rolls, brother. You're on my board and that's it. He sniffs and goes, You mean it? I'm like, Al, you're my bud. I don't care about this other crap. You're my bud. And I'll tell you someting else, you are gonna run for president, and you know what? You're gonna win. He goes, Aw, come on, now you're talking crazy, you're nuttier than me! And I go maybe I am, buddy, maybe I am, and we both kinda laugh, and I go, I guess maybe we're both a little wacky, right? Maybe you gotta be to do what we do. Whatever. We're in this together, brother. I'm serious. So. We square? He says, Yeah, we're square. I go, You're staying on the board? You betcha, he says. Thanks again, man. Don't thank me, I say. Okay. Okay. Gotta go. I love you, man. Talk soon.

Then as soon as we hung up I called Jerry York on his private line. He's out in Las Vegas staying in Kirk Kerkorian's penthouse on top of some casino. He picks up and goes, Yeah. I go, You know who this is? He goes, Yeah. I say, We got a problem with Mr. Green. You know the guy I'm talking about? He goes, Yeah. I go, So? He goes, We'll get back to you, and hangs up.


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1:21 PM  

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