The genius behind "genius"

People often ask me why the tech desk people in our stores are called "geniuses." Well, first of all, though you didn't ask, yes, this was my idea. And the reason we do this is simple. How else can you get pretentious a-holes to work for seven bucks an hour answering stupid questions about computers? Call them "clerks" or "tech support reps" and you've got to pay them at least ten bucks an hour, maybe more. Yet you should see the letters we get from Prius-driving posers begging us to put them to work in our stores and call them geniuses. A lot of them, you'll notice, tend to shave their heads to look more like me. Sad. Sometimes when we're bored we'll pull random applications out of the pile and just laugh our asses off. Half of these losers would do it for free, I swear, just so they could get the black T-shirt and hang out in our cool-looking emporiums and lord it over the poor clueless saps who drift in all upset because their precious little Macs didn't come with any manuals explaining how to use our software. Check out Carrot Top in the first photo up above. You just know that's what he-she is bitching about, right? Surprise, sucker! You bought the Mac, now you gots to dish out $59 for a book plus $40 an hour to get insulted by this smarmy douchebag "genius" who says he can't believe you're so stupid that you couldn't figure this out for yourself, since it's so friggin intuitive. I mean, what is wrong with you? Are you retarded? This after you just paid twice what you'd pay for a Dell machine. And the more we abuse these idiots, the more they keep coming back! Some of them buy two, three machines. Amazing. Honestly.