Heat wave, yes!

Man it is hotter than the inside of a monkey's butt out here in the Valley. Seriously. If we didn't have our own backup generators we'd be frigged, big-time. I don't know how regular people deal with it. It's so hot I'm not even going outside. I just take the elevator down from the Jobs Pod into the Jobs Cave, then ride my air-conditioned electric train through the tunnel to the Jobs Domicile. So in the middle of all this I get a call from Bono, who's sober for a change, and he goes, Hey man, I'm in London with Al Gore, and you think California is bad you should see it here, all the fookin fields have turned brown from the drought, and the roads are fookin meltin, man. Meltin! Like the fookin tar sticks to your feet! Gore is going out of his mind, he's on this like manic high and can't stop laughing, he's non-stop on the bleedin Treo with his agent getting the latest numbers from his movie, and he's like, No way, no way, no fookin way! Tell the truth he's getting to be a bit of a pain in the arse but whatever. Can you hear him in the background? The shouting? Yeah, that's him. He's watchin footage of some forest fires in Southern California and laughing his arse off. Armageddon! That's what he keeps sayin. Eejit. He says he's gonna be the next president, there's no way he can lose, John Doerr already promised to give him as much money as he needs, so long as Gore writes some laws that get the Kleiner Perkins green tech fund off the ground, which Gore says is no problemo. I'm gonna tell you again man we should be puttin some money into that KP thing. McNamee says he's going all in. Seriously. Gore says he'll make me Secretary of the Interior. I told him I'd rather hold out for State or Defense cause I've got a plan for rebuilding Iraq but we'll see. Anyway, man, the glaciers are meltin! Another big chunk broke off over the weekend. By 2008 half of New York is gonna be underwater, and me and Al are gonna be running the fookin world. I've never been so happy in my life!