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Friday, August 11, 2006

Hello I'm Sergey and I'm full of crap


Google says it will crack down on click fraud. Right. And tobacco companies want you to stop smoking. People, have you not figured this out yet? Google is doing the click fraud, okay? Think about this for like two seconds. Who makes money on click fraud? Have you not noticed that Google is building all these top-secret data centers with no windows on them? Why do you think they work so hard to keep reporters away from them? They've got thousands of people locked up inside those buildings, like gerbils on wheels, doing nothing but click on ads, twenty-four hours a day. (To be fair to Google, they do provide an awesome cafeteria, plus free health care for the inevitable cases of carpal tunnel syndrome.) Meanwhile, over in China, Kai-Fu Lee and a bunch of other ex-Microsofties are cranking out this totally complex Google algorithm that makes it look as if the clicks are coming from legit sources. Why do you think Gates was so pissed when Google hired Lee? Why do you think Ballmer was slamming chairs? Microsoft was cooking up the same click fraud scheme but couldn't pull it off. Now Squirrel Boy has beat Microsoft at its own game. Under the guidance of Lucifer of course. They put gormless Page and Brin out front to distract everyone with their "Don't be evil" choirboy shtick. You think those twits actually do anything other than give interviews and play with Legos? They're too busy shagging babes and fighting over their stupid plane. Page has to wear a helmet when he goes jogging, for Pete's sake. Yet nobody has figured this out. Amazing.

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