So Bill Gates calls
And he’s laughing and in that nasal voice of his he goes, Hey, Steve, bummer that this all happened right before the big Worldwide Developers Conference, huh? I mean it kind of takes a little shine off the Apple, right? Man oh man, I’m sorry. I crack myself up sometimes. But I sympathize, Steve. I do. Seriously. I mean, it’s all so random. Like, all this hassle over, what, like 5 million shares or something? Totally random. I mean, what are 5 million Apple shares worth today, like $350 million? Oh, hold on, wait. You know what I just did? I just cut a fart that was worth $350 million, Steve. I mean, really, I did. This is messed up. Anyway, if you need any help, like another bailout or something, Daddy’s right here, just pick up the phone. And hey, a little advice is you should definitely try out the “Yes, I’m the CEO, but I didn’t know what was going on, and I didn’t know it was wrong” defense. Worked pretty good for Ken Lay. Hey, by the way, while I’ve got you on the phone, is it true you had a party with an ice sculpture peeing vodka? That is so classy. What? Oh, right, that was Dennis Kozlowski. Sorry, I get you guys mixed up sometimes. Well, good luck, man. You know everyone in the industry is rooting for you, cause you’ve been so nice to everyone over the years. Really. We’ve all got your back, bro.